Photo Session: Catharine in Halifax Nova Scotia

Loved doing this golden hour photo shoot with Catharine. The sun disappeared right when we needed it, but I still love how these turned out. There’s a softness to the light from the cloud cover that night.

A Morning on Campobello Island

From the town of Lubec, Maine you can see across the border to Canada. At West Quoddy Head Light, you can see the back of Grand Manan Island. In town, in Lubec, you can see the shores and lighthouse on Campobello Island. There is a bridge to Campobello Island, with a small border crossing station set up on either side. We had a little bit of extra time before driving to New Brunswick and then onto Nova Scotia, and decided to visit. It was my first time visiting Canada twice in one day!

Not really knowing where we were going, we decided to just drive across the island. We reached the other side and found a lighthouse - the Head Harbor Light Station. It’s only accessible at low tide. We arrived well past low tide, and the staircases on either side led down into the water. The tides here are quite strong and dramatic, as you can see in some of the photographs below. If I ever make it back to Lubec and Campobello, I’d love to take a boat out in the harbor. It was so beautiful!

We drove back across the island to the second lighthouse, Mulholland Lighthouse. This one is visible from the town of Lubec, and you can see Lubec across the water in the background. We were hoping to catch sight of a whale, as some folks we met in town told us they were often seen, but sadly they didn’t visit us that day. We did get a few seal visitors though, before heading back across the bridge as we set off for New Brunswick, and our second visit to Canada.

At the Edge of the US in Lubec Maine

My mom took a road trip by herself a few years ago, driving all the way up the coast of Maine. She stayed in Lubec for a few days, driving over the bridge onto Campobello Island and into Canada. Lubec is the northeastern most point of the US, and its lighthouse is iconic. She told us all about the trip, and I’ve been dreaming about going ever since. In May, when Soni and I were planning a trip to Maine and Nova Scotia to visit both of our families, we decided to fly to Portland, stay with my family for a week, then take the ferry from Bar Harbor, Maine to Yarmouth, Nova Scotia. This was another dream of mine, to take the ferry again to Nova Scotia. When I was a kid, we took a family vacation to Nova Scotia and rode the ferry. I loved it! I especially remember my dad sneaking me into the casino where I used a slot machine for the first and only time in my life.

All Summer long we got updates from the ferry, they were building a new terminal, and everything was delay, delay, delay. Then they refunded our tickets without letting us know that they’d canceled. The thought of another multiple connection flight to get to Halifax from Portland was exhausting. We mapped the route and decided to rent a car for one way. This way, we could stop in New Brunswick on the way to visit Sonia’s grandmother. I told my mom of our updated plan, and she said no way, don’t rent a car, I’ll drive you. Can you get Soni’s parents to meet you in New Brunswick?

The drive from Kennebunk, Maine to Moncton, New Brunswick is an all-day trip. My mom has been dealing with lyme disease and it’s kind of an exhausting trip for her, so I suggested that we make it into a road trip, doing two shorter days of driving, and stopping in Lubec. I booked us rooms at the Eastland Motel, and we were set. This way, I get at least one of my Maine dreams on this trip!

September is a funny time in Maine. Fall is beginning, but there are a few wisps of Summer left. The first day I was in Maine, I got a warm day, warm enough for a beach day. The rest of the nights were cool, and the trees were beginning to change colors. October is prime leaf season in Maine, but in September there are tiny pops of red along the roads and here and there in the forest. The drive to Lubec was beautiful. We got there in the early afternoon and caught some beautiful light at West Quoddy Head Lighthouse. From the lighthouse and the beach, you can see Grand Manan Island in Canada. On the beach, our phones all switched over to Canadian service, unclear of where the US/Canada border is. Grand Manan Island looked like one long cliff, a giant island with nothing on it. Sonia told us that her mom lived there for a while when she was younger. In the parking lot, we found a map of the islands, and it appeared that the other side of the island was more accessible by boat, and that was where the majority of the inhabitants lived. After visiting the lighthouse, we went out to dinner in downtown Lubec, at the Lubec Brewing Company, a cute farm-to-table restaurant on Water St. (the main street in town).

I’ll always love Summer in Maine, when you can stay in the water for hours. But growing up in a tourist town in Maine, there’s something so magical about the off season, when most of the tourists go home and the beaches empty out. Even when I am the tourist, I love the quieter time of year. I don’t mind the weather, it’s just lovely to be there.

On Writing and Painting, a Photo Session + Interview with Emma Grady in Cape Porpoise, Maine

Emma Grady is a writer and painter based in Brooklyn, NY. As Emma’s older sister, it’s safe to say that I’ve known her for a long time. I have always been immensely proud of her. We traveled home to Maine together in September, and took advantage of our time together to do a portrait session and a little Q&A which you can find below. I recently helped Emma redo her websites, so we wanted to get some fresh portraits to use. You can find her writing at emmagrady.com and her painting at emmagradystudio.com. Her writing has recently been featured on Man Repeller and Glamour.com.

Becca Grady: You do a lot of things, how do you describe them, what’s your elevator pitch?

Emma Grady: I’m a freelance writer for magazines focused on personal essays about (what I hope are deeply relatable topics), from romance to fashion. I’m also a copywriter for brands and a painter. 

BG: You've been writing and painting for a long time now. Can you talk a bit about how you got started? Have you always done both? 

EG: Yes, I studied literature, art history and painting in college. I’ve always been interested in fashion and when I graduated, I merged that with writing and became a fashion writer fresh out of school. I moved to New York City and was mainly focusing on getting my writing career off the ground and recently picked up painting again about 4 years ago.

BG: When did you first start painting? 

EG: I studied various mediums throughout school and loved drawing portraits. I was later drawn to abstract painting because I never quite knew how a piece would come out. I never paint with a particular goal in mind, I’m very much inspired by colors and the brush strokes and how it all interacts on the canvas. That’s what keeps me hooked, that element of surprise. 

BG: How has your style evolved over the years? 

EG: I’ve always been drawn to a classic style which is why I love vintage fashion so much. In my twenties, I almost never bought any new clothes and primarily shopped secondhand and vintage. Now that I’ve reflected a bit on my style, I see that I sometimes bought things because they were a great deal and not my style, so I tend to think more about bringing anything into my wardrobe. I’m still drawn to timeless pieces, but my day-to-day wardrobe is comprised of new investment pieces rather than vintage items. 

BG: How did you get started writing? I know that your writing practice has changed a lot, from writing about ethical fashion to more personal essays. Can you talk about that shift?

EG: My start in writing is based in ethical fashion and that will always be a part of me. After publishing more than 1,000 articles about fashion designers and their latest collections, I wanted to write about something personal and more specific to my experience. For example, I wanted to write about being a freelance writer from a small town in Maine and moving to a big city and all the ups and downs of that. I wanted to write what I like to read, which is personal essays that make you feel connected to those around you. 

BG: What are you working on right now? 

EG: I’m working on new pitches for magazines as well as a personal essay that I’m going to pitch to Modern Love. Pitching for me is spontaneous and I never know when I’ll get a story idea as I’m very much inspired by my daily life. I do, however, set aside time to think about how I can frame certain stories as well as read what stories magazines are publishing. 

BG: I'm always interested in how creatives who work in different media balance their practice. Does writing and painting feel like separate practices to you, or do they overlap? Where do you find your inspiration? How do you think about them? 

EG: I view painting and writing as very separate though my process is similar. When I paint, I turn off my brain a bit. I don’t think about what I’m doing, it just happens. Similarly, to writing, when I have an idea, the story writes itself. That is creative inspiration to me, there is no struggle, it feels easy. 

BG: What is a typical day in the studio for you? Do you have any writing or painting routines? Do you have a favorite tool or music that you have to listen to? 

EG: I listen to the same music when I write as I do when I paint, which is electronic house music. There’s something about listening to my favorite DJs — like Lane 8, Amtrac, Rüfüs du Sol — which makes me feel energized and excited. It’s the same music I listen to when I run as well. I like to zone out any outside noise so I can focus. As any writer knows, being interrupted and losing your train of thought when you’re in the middle of a story is not so much fun. 

BG: Do you have any favorite writers or artists that you look to for inspiration?

EG: I’m one of those writers who is always afraid of being influenced by other writers but it’s unavoidable. I love The Cut’s Ask Polly column, that’s one thing I like forward to reading always.

BG: You live in New York - there are so many good museums there. I think my favorite museum trip we ever did together was when we went to the Met Cloisters. I'd never heard of it until you told me about it, and it's in such a beautiful museum in an amazing spot on the north side of the city. Do you have places in the city that you like to return to like that? 

EG: The Met still remains my favorite museum. It’s actually fun to go alone, to daydream and go at your own pace. I went to Florence and Paris last year and wandered around the museums there. I’m particularly drawn to landscapes and portraits. I always wonder about the people in them, which appeals to my background in art history. 

Emma’s painting, inspired by the colors of New Mexico, hanging in my home in Santa Fe.

Two of Emma’s smaller paintings, on display in my home in Santa Fe.

Thanks Emma! To see the rest of Emma’s paintings head to emmagradystudio.com, and find her writing at emmagrady.com .

Sunrise and Moonrise in Cape Porpoise Maine

In September, I went home to Maine for a week. Sonia and my sister Emma joined me, and we rented a small cottage in Cape Porpoise. It was on the harbor, and after so long in the desert, it was amazing to smell and hear the ocean so close.

The first night in the house, it was warm enough to keep the windows open at night, and I was surprised to be woken up way before sunrise by the sound of diesel engines starting up and chugging out of the harbor. Cape Porpoise is an active harbor, and you’ll often see fishing and lobster boats heading in and out past the pier.

Growing up, my dad often moored his small wooden sailboat in Stage Harbor, and we would often sleep there, jumping in the water during the day and playing cards at night with the musty old deck that lived on board. I still remember the smell of the kerosene lamps. At low tide, we could walk out to the islands.

There was a spectacular moon one night, and the next morning I got up early (though not as early as some of the local fisherfolk) to catch the sunrise. I will never tire of sunrises on the coast.

Mountain Time: Trampas Lake

I love the drive to the Trampas Lake trailhead. It’s about an hour and a half from Santa Fe, but the last half hour drive is on a long dirt road, heading into the forest, past a small town and a number of campsites. We did this hike last summer. I was still pretty new to hiking at that point, so it was a tough one for me. This year it seemed much easier.

The day was cloudy and threatened to rain. The morning mist hovered in the trees, shrouding the mountains, never quite burning off with the mid-day sun. It was beautiful, and a lovely way to see Trampas Lake. Last summer, it had been really hot and sunny, and the trail, lake, and mountains looked completely different. Amazing what a little cloud cover can do.

Photo Session: A Summer Picnic with Lady Krispie

The days that I get a care package full of Lady Krispie cereal treats in the mail are the best! In the latest box from Lady Krispie, there were some new treats made with nutter butter cereal with nutter butter cookies, marshmallow and extra peanut butter. There were also rice krispie and peeps cereal mixed with marshmallows, popcorn, teddy grahams and white chocolate. I love getting to see and try all the different combinations that Lady Krispie makes with her cereal treats. To celebrate, we packed up the cooler and picnicked by a stream.

If you need custom cereal treats for your next picnic or party head on over to ladykrispie.com.

A Long Weekend Back In Chicago

Earlier this month, Soni and I went back to Chicago for a long weekend. It was the first time we’ve visited since we moved almost two years ago. Needless to say it was a bit surreal to be back. Our first stop was the lake of course, for an early morning swim. We were in town for friends’ wedding, but we tacked on an extra day on either side to visit with friends. It was pretty much a non stop weekend, so I barely took any pictures. Here are a few favorites from the weekend.

Marian and I went to the Musuem of Contemporary Art, and loved this Assaf Evron show. (See also my studio visit with Marian Runk)

I met my friend Margaret at the River Walk downtown. When I left Chicago, it was only partly open, but they’ve since done a ton of work on it, and on lots of other buildings downtown. It was a whole lot flashier. Even though I’m sure it was an insanely expensive project, it is a really nice addition to downtown, and I wish it had been around when I lived there!

The floating garden on the River Walk.

Shiny buildings along the River Walk.

The view of the Chicago Skyline from the west side wedding reception venue.

We took almost no photos on this trip, but did snap this selfie on the bus to the wedding.

Till next time Chicago, xo.

Mountain Time: Wheeler Peak

The parking lot at the Wheeler Peak trailhead was almost full by the time Soni and I got there. It’s reassuring to climb a mountain with lots of company. The trail to Wheeler Peak starts with the trail to Williams Lake. We’ve hiked up to Williams Lake a few times. It’s a great and relatively short hike to an alpine lake. Soni had hiked up to Wheeler Peak before, but it was my first time. I found it really helped to have some of the trail be familiar. Once we passed the turnoff for Williams Lake, it wasn’t much further until tree line.

Looking down on Williams Lake

wildflowers on the side of the mountain

The trail was mostly clear of snow, with a few exceptions. We were happy to have our microspikes along for this section.

It was a beautiful day for it, not too hot, not too cold. We could see weather in the distance once we go to the top, so we ate our lunch quickly and hit the trail back down. We got a few raindrops on us on the way back down, but missed any big weather. Climbing Mt. Elbert last Summer definitely made this climb a lot more enjoyable. I was much better prepared for this mountain, and as it’s a lower elevation, it felt that much easier than Mt. Elbert. I even wanted to run (okay more like jog?) down part of the mountain, after seeing a few trail runners on the path. I would love to make this hike an annual tradition. Or maybe next year we cross some more New Mexico mountains off our mountain wish list….

A Weekend at Devil's Spring Ranch with Don and Jane

Earlier this year, Soni and I spent a long weekend at our friends’ ranch in Northwestern New Mexico. Don and Jane Schreiber run Devil’s Spring Ranch. They bought the place in the late 90s and were planning to make their lifelong dreams of ranching cattle come true. Almost immediately things started to go south. The fracking boom took off in a big way, and their ranch was on prime gas territory. Don and Jane owned the surface land, and had leased grazing rights on adjacent land, but they had no claims to the minerals below. There were already wells on their land when the bought the place, but shortly after they moved onto the land, the state changed the spacing rules for oil and gas wells in the area, enabling companies to drill twice as many wells at a higher density than before. Don and Jane started running cattle on their new ranch, but unfortunately, with the gas boom came a lot more wells, which meant more roads, trucks, and hazards for cattle, zig zagging every which way across their ranch. Eventually fighting the gas companies became too big of a job, and the cattle ranching dream fell by the wayside. Don and Jane have since become vocal advocates for holistic range management practices, responsible land management, and regulations for reducing methane and toxic emissions from oil and gas infrastructure. Today, there are 122 gas wells at Devil’s Spring Ranch, and 10 are visible from Don and Jane’s home.

Don and Devil’s Spring Ranch are featured in the new HBO documentary “Ice on Fire”. Don is interviewed about the common practice of venting and flaring of methane from oil and gas wells. As the major component of natural gas, methane is emitted from oil and gas infrastructure at a disturbing rate in northwestern New Mexico, causing the area to become infamously known for the Four Corners “methane hotspot”. Directed by Leila Connors and narrated and produced by Leonardo DiCaprio, “Ice on Fire” was released this year, and is now streaming on HBO’s platforms.

Hiking at the ranch

We spent our Saturday driving around with Don and Jane, seeing the ranch and doing some ranch chores. I wasn’t much help, but we did learn a lot about the land, plants, and the hard work it takes to keep up a ranch of this size in a holistic manner. Despite all the gas wells, Devil’s Spring Ranch is absolutely beautiful. With all the snow and rain over the winter and spring, the ranch was the greenest it had been in 20 years.

The neighbors still run cattle, so there are a lot of water tanks around for them. One of our ranch chores was driving around to check on the tanks. Don rigged up a bunch of “escape ramps” that we helped install in the drinking tanks on his neighbor’s ranch. The escape ramps are for any critters that fall into the tanks while trying to drink - with the ramps, they have an easier way to get out, saving them and keeping the water cleaner for drinking.

Lupins at golden hour

Don and Jane at cow camp

Cows and gas wells in close proximity out here

Sunset trek to the watering hole

Jane’s garden

My new friends

Dusk from the stables

Behind the Scenes - The Prop Rooms at the Santa Fe Opera

Last month I had the opportunity to go see La Bohéme at the Santa Fe Opera. Before the performance, we got a little backstage tour, which I loved! As someone who gets as excited about the sets and set design as the actual performance, it was a dream. As expected, it was much different than the prop rooms and backstage sets of my high school theater days. There were rooms and rooms of props. We learned that this was only a fraction of the props that the Santa Fe Opera has. They have an offsite warehouse where the rest is stored, neatly catalogued. The attention to detail with the props was really impressive.

My favorite corner of the Santa Fe Opera prop rooms was the aisle full of fake flowers. There were all kinds of flowers, separated by kind, in neatly labeled boxes. Sunflowers, carnations, tulips, spider mums, English roses, dahlias, and lots more.

As the sun began to go down, we found our seats in the beautiful auditorium, and watched the sunset behind the stage.

Photo Session - WorldWomenWork Artisan Made Goods

Last week, I did a fun photo session with Singer Rankin of WorldWomenWork. WorldWomenWork is a Santa Fe non-profit fundraising initiative that supports conservation of endangered species in the US, Kenya, Thailand, and Myanmar. They raise money through direct donations, sales of artisan made goods in the shop, and annual education adventure trips.

I’m helping to relaunch their website, and one of the big projects was to photograph some of the handmade home goods, jewelry, and clothing for the new shop update. These are some of my favorite photos from the shoot. Hope you like them! And do stop by the new website at www.worldwomenwork.org

currently obsessed with these Moroccan Cactus Silk pillows…

i would like to take them all home with me!

A Night in the Pecos Wilderness

After work on Friday, we packed up our camping gear and hit the road. It’s a little over an hour to the Pecos Wilderness from Santa Fe, so it was getting late when we finally got there. We had read online that there was water at the campground, but we realized that the campground we wanted to stay at was not the one we remembered the name of, and there was no water. But we had just enough for the night and for a little coffee in the morning.

We took our tent and went to check out the spots. I was shielding my eyes from the setting sun when someone started waving at us from a picnic table. Friends also thought this was the best spot to camp. We pitched our tent in a site next to theirs, and joined them for a campfire. How wonderfully random to run into friends in the woods. And lucky for us as they had a water filter, so we filled up on water from the nearby creek.

So close to the Solstice, the sun sets quite late. There was light in the sky till almost 9. With the fading light, the temperature began to fall, and the smoke from campfires drifted in and out of the trees, creating a misty, almost spooky and ethereal feeling in the forest.

There’s a creek that runs along the campground, and it creates a lovely background noise. In our tent, falling asleep, we saw light from flashlights bounce around the tent and trees, but couldn’t hear anyone walking past, only the sound of the creek.

In the morning, it was quite chilly and there were campfires again, with some morning smoke drifting in the trees as the sun rose and the day grew warmer. Soni made us coffee on the little camp stove, and we sat in our camp chairs, bundled up, and wrote our morning pages. I’d been having an awful week. I still wasn’t sure what to do about some challenges that had come up, but everything felt better in the woods that morning.

It certainly helped that there was zero cell phone reception where we were. I have a hard time not checking my phone constantly, so heading off to the woods where there’s no signal is often the only way I take a break.

We packed up camp, and headed onto a nearby trail to look for some rare wildflowers. Pictured above, our friends had told us about the yellow lady slipper, and how it rarely blooms in New Mexico. The yellow lady slipper is in the orchid family and while more commonly found in the Rockies and further north, they were blooming like crazy in the forest near where we were camping.

We decided to go look for the caves that were nearby. We had hiked this trail last summer, but somehow missed the caves, so this time we kept our hiking book at an easy reach the whole time, determined to find them. The wildflowers, not just the yellow lady slippers, were blooming all over, and I kept slowing us down to take a picture.

Look out for a cairn on the left side, and then there’s a short trail to the creek where you can see a cave across the way. Then head back onto the main trail and look out for a cairn on the right side. There will be a small clearing and a path to the caves, our guide book told us.

We found it just after another couple did, so we hung back to let them explore them on their own. While we perched on a rock across the creek from the caves, it started to rain. We got our chance to cross the log bridge to the caves, and finally got to see inside. The creek runs into the cave and there are three entrances. It was pretty wet and we didn’t have a headlamp, so we didn’t go back too far, but it was fun to see them. A large group arrived and they all started to cross over and their wasn’t enough room for all of us, so there were some very awkward moments while we waited to try to cross back.

The rain was light at first, and to be honest, it was welcome. After the chill of the morning, it had gotten really hot in the full sun, and we were discussing the possibility of jumping in the creek at some point. But the rain picked up and stayed steady, so we were thoroughly soaked on the way back.

Some weeks it’s hard to get out to the forest, or desert for a hike, or even a visit. But whenever we do, the rewards are so worth it.

Things to see in Santa Fe: La Bohéme at Santa Fe Opera

Last week I had a blast at the Santa Fe Opera. Caitlin and Amy of Simply Santa Fe invited me to an #instameet at the new production of La Bohéme at the Santa Fe Opera. I jumped at the chance. I had seen a production that my friend Silvie Jensen performed in at the Lyric Opera in Chicago a few years ago, and really enjoyed it. I’ve heard that the Santa Fe Opera always has innovative sets and costumes, as well as having such a unique location, so I was looking forward to seeing what they did with this opera.

The Santa Fe Opera organized a backstage tour for us (more on that in another post), and we got to see all of the prop rooms. We had dinner and champagne, and they bought the director Mary Birnbaum and the set designer Grace Laubaucher to tell us a bit about their process for putting together this production. I loved getting a chance to hear about how they worked together. I’ve always loved sets (from hanging out in the theater classes and productions back in high school), so I was really excited to see how this one came together.

The Santa Fe Opera is an open air theater. There is a roof, but as you can see above and below, you can see directly out, behind the stage and to the sides. It did look like it would rain, but thankfully it stayed away. The sun set around 8ish, and La Bohéme started right at 8:30, so we got a nice view of the sunset from our seats before the performance started.

I was not dissapointed.

The set was beautifully done, with the structure of the garret being used in every act, as the garret, later as the café, a bar, and then the garret again. The costumes were very colorful, and there was even a scene with Musetta wearing a hot pink sequined jumpsuit (my FAVORITE ever) (see below).

The production of La Bohéme runs through the end of August, so if you have a chance to go see it this Summer, I definitely recommend it! I’m looking forward to getting back to this lovely space soon…

Photo Session - Turner Mark-Jacobs at the New Mexico History Museum

Last week, Turner Mark-Jacobs and I got up bright and early and headed to the New Mexico History Museum for a portrait session before it opened to the public. It’s always fun to be in a musuem before/after hours, when everything is all quiet and it feels almost like a movie set. It’s been a while, since my days working at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago many years ago.

Located just off of the Santa Fe Plaza, the museum was hosting an exhibition of Mark-Jacobs’ illustrations of the Massacre of Don Pedro Villasur in 1720. Commissioned by the New Mexico History Museum, Mark-Jacobs’ watercolor and ink drawings have also been turned into a small book that is available in the museum gift shop. The full size illustrations are framed and on view in the Segesser Gallery.

Kitchen Mesa at Ghost Ranch

Now that Soni and I have been living in New Mexico for a year and a half, a nice thing is starting to happen. We’ve been able to return to favorite spots and trails and see them in the changing seasons.

Ghost Ranch in Abiquíu, New Mexico is one of those places. Ghost Ranch is a retreat and education center, and also has a number of beautiful hiking trails. Last Fall, Soni and I hiked Kitchen Mesa for the first time, and while the climb was steep, the views were so rewarding. We took my mom to Ghost Ranch in December, and did part of the Chimney Rock trail in the snow. A couple weeks ago, when Molly was visiting, I knew I wanted to take her here for a hike. I described the Kitchen Mesa trail and she said she was defintely in.

Ghost Ranch is about an hour from Santa Fe, just past the village of Abiquíu and Abiquíu Lake. The welcome center has maps of the property and can let you know where all the trailheads are. (They also ask that you check in before any hike and donate $5 per person towards the upkeep of the center and trails. )

The Kitchen Mesa trail is a 4.5 mile out an back trail that starts in a canyon. It’s a beautiful walk that begins relatively flat. There’s an area of fairly steep and rocky incline, with a bit of a rock scramble, and then you’re up on top with a beautiful view of the canyon. If you keep following the trail, there’s another short climb and then the trail leads out onto the mesa top, with a view of Abiquíu Lake and the rest of Ghost Ranch.

We packed a lunch, and had a little picnic up top, with the view. We followed the trail all along the mesa, and the ground changes color into small white rocks as far as we could see. Walking up the hill, all I could see was the white and the sky, and it felt like I was walking on the moon. A very windy moon though, so I had to hang onto my hat.

I love this hike for the rewarding view at the top, and also for the shadowy canyon walls on the way back. We always end up finishing this hike in the later afternoon, as the sun alternately spotlights canyon walls and creates beautiful shadows.